Kindness To Others = Kindness To Ourselves
Being kind improves our health and wellness as well as others
We’ve started a new local friend group for women in our area of Southwest Florida.
Last week a few of us had a nice breakfast after a 5K walk through a local park.
We were chatting over coffee and the topic turned to harsh, ugly comments we’ve heard others make about other women.
“We are hard enough on ourselves,” said a wise member of our group. “We don’t need to add to that by speaking poorly about others.”
Everyone immediately agreed.
Because it’s true!
It turns out that the kinder we are to others, research is showing that acts of kindness can impact others far more than we realize. Showing kindness to others doesn’t just benefit others, it also benefits our own mental and physical health.
We have one local friend who sends inspirational texts once or twice a week. They’re just simple, positive messages. More than once, her messages have come to me at a time when I was feeling overwhelmed or down. Seeing her message immediately cheered me and helped me focus on tasks at hand.
Bullies Are No Longer Popular
If you grew up in the 60s, 70s, or 80s, you probably spent a lot of time in school and after school worrying that you’d be targeted by bullies. I did. One time I went along with bullies and made fun of another girl. My motive? I wanted to be part of the in-crowd.
I’ve been ashamed of that incident my entire life! However, I’m no longer guilty about it. I guess time really does help to heal us. I hope that the girl we made fun of is well, happy, and healthy.
Back in those long ago days, it seemed like everyone had to dress alike, have long, straight blonde hair, and use the same lipgloss to have a hope of popularity and escaping the ever-present bullies.
We also had to wear the same jeans … Who remembers the 5–7–9 store? Imagine the terror of being size 9 and afraid you would size out of that store and no longer be able to wear the cutest, tiniest, skin-tight clothes every other girl was wearing.
Dittos jeans were sure easy to wear and fit everyone.
Not!
One day during band practice, one of the flag girls — noted for always wearing skin-tight Dittos — had on a pair of skintight snow-white jeans with the classic horseshoe on the rear. She bent over during the routine and we all heard it —
Riiiiiiiiiiipppppppp!
The entire horseshoe shape ripped completely out as she bent over. Red-faced, she ran away, covering her rear.
Only about half of us began to laugh, point, and jeer. I’m slightly proud to say I was one of those gasping in shock and embarrassment for her. And secretly inside, I was glad I only had one pair of Dittos because from that day on, I thought “Those pants will rip right apart if I bend over too fast.”
When The Mean Comments Are About You
My grandfather used to tell me, “Honey, be careful what you say about others, it will get back to them.”
Bampy was kind: I don’t remember him ever being not kind. He modeled the way he wanted me to behave. All I had to do was copy him.
Last week at breakfast, talking about cruel statements women will make about others, one that was made about me was shared — yes, it did get back to me, just the way Bampy said.
I thought, “For certain, this is not someone I’d ever want to hang out with or be around — ”
If I repeated it, you’d wonder why the woman who said it would ever be hosted in any group. Now I know another reason why people might go to fast food drive-throughs or eat by themselves in their car. This lady’s statement was on the low, low end of social behavior and commentary.
And that’s why I think our friend’s wise observation: “We women are hard enough on ourselves as it is — we don’t need to add to it by criticizing others,” is one that we need to spread around more these days. Men too. Men don’t usually make catty comments, but some of them can be and are mean and verbally abusive to other men as well as women.
So much of this has been oriented toward politics in recent years, but that does not excuse verbal abuse, ugly statements, and poor behavior.
This incident showed me how I’d changed and become healthier and stronger. Ten years ago if I’d heard that, I would have worked tirelessly to locate the woman and would have taken swift, mega-vicious revenge.
Now, hearing the comment didn’t bother me, nor did I take it personally. I thought, “What a sad person to be at an event with a lot of others and think this was a good thing to say — to or about anybody.”
Leveling Up In Health And Self
I’ve worked hard over the past 5 years to improve my physical health and well-being. Now, my goal is to maintain my physical health and work on my mental and spiritual wellness.
A lot of us feel as though things are changing: in the world, in ourselves, and in our relationships with others.
Taking time to be thoughtful and kind to others is one way we can all benefit ourselves. Altruism, research is showing, isn’t a one-way street. Being kind, helping others, and having a community of friends contributes to longer, happier lives. Being kind is one of the “Power 9” lifestyle habits which have been linked to people who live in the world’s “Blue Zones” of those who reach 90 or 100 years and older in good health.
I know that I can’t personally affect huge world events. But I can participate with others who are learning and growing as we move through life.
Taking time to be kind and thoughtful is a no-cost or low-cost way to benefit my life, as well as the others I interact with.